As I write this journal entry, I am 14 days away from
celebrating my 44th birthday, and falling more and more in love
every day with my small acreage of property that is surrounded by woods
and slowly being overrun by gardens and animals. Every day I wake up,
wishing I could find a way to make that my daily reality instead of the typical
40+ hours stuck behind a desk and computer screen each week. I’m not
ungrateful for any of it—I know I’m lucky to even have a job in this economy,
but that doesn’t invalidate my feelings. I know that I have been blessed
in countless ways, but I can still dream and long for something different.
Some people panic over an impending birthday, but I consider
each one a gift. I’m grateful to have reached this age. My birthday
doesn't affect me in a negative, “oh my god I’m getting sooooooo old!” kind of
way and I've never felt compelled to lie about my age either (okay—maybe when I
was under 21 and trying to sneak into bars). I'm well aware of the
unwritten societal rules--the ones that insist on pigeon-holing people into
neat, easy categories, complete with a laundry list of "thou shall and
shall nots" based on age, income bracket, gender, race, religion, etc.
Well, you get the drift...
But I really don’t feel any different than I always have—I’ve
matured obviously, have some great and not so great experiences under my belt,
and I certainly don’t take life for granted anymore. I’m much more
patient and understanding, but my tolerance for bullshit is almost
non-existent.
My age doesn’t define who I am, nor does it dictate what I
should or shouldn’t do. Peace Pilgrim started her 28 year walking
pilgrimage at the age of 44—when the majority of people are getting more
settled in their lives and even starting to contemplate retirement.
All of my friends have kids—my best friend of thirty-years celebrated the
birth of her first grand-child over four years ago. Yes, priorities
change with age, but that isn’t an excuse to start applying the brakes as far
as I’m concerned, because in my case, I’m just getting started.
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